Being Alone

So you're dating someone and finally  you have a partner to walk through life with.  Then suddenly you're mid-semester and you're both freakishly busy.

WHAT NOW!?

Is your life ending?  Is it all over?

OK, I'm kidding.

No, being mid-semester is kind of like a reality check.  Your courses are now in full swing and you don't have to worry about any major interruptions to your schedule.  But wait!  That means your classes are all running, your homework load is pretty big, and if you're working, you still have to work too!

And what happens if your schedule doesn't align with your significant other's?  What do you do now?

Get used to being alone sometimes.

Tucker and I have spent a considerable amount of time together, but we've also spent a lot of time apart.  I spent 8 days by Lake Michigan working at Blue Lake.   He went to Chicago for 5 days for the Junior Gold National Bowling Tournament.  We also have to spend weekends apart now that I'm in school.  In fact, we see each other for about 3-4 hours a week maximum.  Do we like this arrangment?  Not particularly.  But when he's sleeping after work and I have free time, or when he wakes up and I'm in the middle of Algebra class, what happens?

Well, I can't speak for him, but this is what happens for me.

I spend a lot of time trying to distract myself from the desire to text or call him because he's asleep and won't answer.  I usually put my phone away so I can't see it or I'll text someone else.  Another thing I'd suggest is writing things down.  What would you say to him/her if they were available?  That's what Tucker and I did when we were out of town for our respective adventures.  We wrote each other a letter every day and then gave them to each other when we returned home.  Knowing that your boyfriend/girlfriend is thinking about you is enough to sometimes make separation easier.

Another thing that I've already mentioned is the use of FaceTime and/or Skype.  Tucker and I FaceTime every night before bed while one or both of us does homework.  He takes me in to school sometimes so we can see each other and hold hands for a while.

In the end though, you have to figure out what works for you.  Every person and every couple has different needs.  What do you do when you and your S/O are apart?  Comment any ideas you've come up with. :)

College Life

It's no secret that I'm a college freshman and a little too proud of it.  I'm attending a major university with a 14 credit hour load, and I'm working 14-17 hours a week.  Needless to say, I'm pretty busy, and I'm already realizing that I'm not going to be able to do as much "fun stuff" as I did when I was in high school.

So how does a relationship fit into that?

Well...it's not easy.  It takes a lot of flexibility and a willingness to work with each other.  Tucker and I both are in school, but his course load is a lot lighter than mine, so he has a lot of time to himself.  Something we struggle with is getting my schedule to align with his.  Here are a few of the things we're trying to make this work.

1.  He takes me to school 3 out of 5 days I go in.  
I have class 5 days a week, obviously.  So Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, Tucker picks me up and takes me to school. It's a short drive, since I only live 20 minutes from campus, but it gives us a little time to talk and laugh a little before I disappear for the day.  (Tuesday and Thursday I have all my classes in the same day)

2.  We have a date once a week.
It's usually Thursday or Friday after I get out of class. Last Thursday, for example, Tucker found our favorite Arizona tea, and we got a pizza and sat at a park for about 3 hours and talked and acted like children.

3.  We FaceTime/Skype every night for an hour or so.
It's usually before bed, so at around 10 or 11 we'll turn on FaceTime until we fall asleep.  That allows us to talk about our days, and usually I'm doing homework, so he keeps me focused.  (AKA "Stop staring at the shiny things and do your work.")

And just like every other teenager that has a smartphone with unlimited texting, we text each other whenever we can.

Making a relationship work when you're at different colleges with very different schedules can be and is very challenging.  However, if you both want it badly enough, it'll work.  You just have to be flexible, like I said, and be willing to work with each other.

When life gets busy.

We all have that pain, we all know it too well. The pain of missing your “significant other” when they or you are gone and doing something. This is one of the most common pains that is emitted from relationships, but no one really has figured out a way to stop it. Like, really, what is the issue? There really shouldn’t be any reason to worry or feel hurt since they’ll return eventually… Or is it an underlying fear that something might happen and you may never hear from them again. We all have underlying fears that we rarely think about on the conscious level…Carl Jung (a German psychiatrist) had this theory that behind every individuals unconscious mind lies the collective unconscious of the human race. We are all connected and can share empathy with each other depending on how forward our collective unconscious is. So really it is no surprise that missing someone significant to you is a common trait in every relationship, but how do we combat it, or at least make it not so horrible?

Set aside specific time daily for each other: Relationships are hard work, and if you’re in a fairly committed relationship you’re going to want to talk at least once a day… Well, set aside a specific time during the day that you’re both free to just chat away. This is a chance to get things off your chest and have a nice and easy conversation that should in turn brighten your day. There is no need to meet or go out together, just a good solid 10-15 minute talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. Make it meaningful though, don’t just have those bland conversations, “Hey babe! I missed you!” “Aww… I missed you too.” “You doing alright?” “Yeah, just missing you…” “Me too…” Yeah, those convos, although true, don’t really help missing each other. I’m guilty of this with Alison, sometimes I just don’t know what to say. A good way to make the conversation meaningful is to talk about something you’re doing together, which I’ll talk about in the next section. Another helpful tip is that you not plan it in the morning or late evening as you’ll be tired and it will be difficult to hold a conversation together. Sometimes it’s inevitable, but avoid it if possible. So there is one tip to hopefully surviving the horribleness of dealing without your other half for a few hours or a whole day. (Meant towards days you’re unable to talk at all outside of short texts.)

Do like a book club between you two, watch and discuss a TV show, or do a devotional: This is meant to give you something to talk about. Being in college, you don’t have a ton of time. So if you decide to do a TV show or book reading together, make sure you both are able to fit in the time to watch or read before you get too into it. Ali and I have chosen to do a devotional together, get it through email and we are planning on doing it every evening we can… It’s at least something we can both look forward to each day. So no matter how long, or how little you get to talk that day, at least you can hold onto knowing you’ll have the perfect conversation starter when you’re both home and free to talk. I highly suggest a devotional as it’s typically short and gets you thinking, but reading a book and discussing chapters or watching a show and discussing an episode is just as good too. Just try to keep the days that you don’t do it to a minimum. Having that bit of hope to talking can make a big difference in the day, it’s unfortunate when hope is broken…

When you’re free, text them: Simple right? Sometimes we get so consumed by things that we kind of forget to text them, even if it’s between classes or on break at work… Text them something sweet to let them know you’re still thinking about them. Though it should be apparent that you are since you are dating and you’re apart and unable to really talk, sometimes getting a text even though you’re busy expresses more than words could say. After all, actions speak louder than words. So take the action of shooting them a text when possible. I can say for a fact it really does mean a lot.

If you’re not the busy one, keep yourself busy/distracted: Lately I’ve been the one who’s not that busy. My classes are all online, and so far I’ve been able to stay on top of things and finish my class work before Wednesday when everything is due Sunday… Well, that means I’ve got like the rest of the week while she’s in class or work or whatever. So far that’s the only downside of taking an online class. So yeah, there is plenty of time to sit and think to myself… (which is kind of what spurred me to write this post, she’s at a meeting and I’m sitting in my bedroom with nothing to do after finishing like all my homework). So yeah, I’ve got a lot of time to myself, how might I spend this in hopes of burning the clock as I wait for her to be free? I try to keep myself occupied doing recreational or educational things. Sometimes I study my Swedish on Dueling (great app by the way), or I read (like right now I got a book that is suggested for my class, so far it’s good…), or I’ll turn up my music and play some video games. Whatever it is that you do, try to get consumed. It’s fact that when you’re busy time seems to go by quicker, so what better way to “speed” up time while missing them than to do stuff to keep busy? I mean, seems like a logical solution. Just don’t get so consumed by something that you don’t notice them come back and text or call you… yeah… guilty.

So there it is, my tips on how to survive the dreaded misery that is missing them… We all experience it, I promise you. Some people are just great actors or actresses, but I promise you that each person shares that common subconscious thinking/feeling. It’s a struggle, it really is. But over time, missing them will become common, that pain will be your friend, and in a way it’ll remind you that they really matter to you. Until you are somehow comfortable or ok with the feelings of missing them, work on these elements and hopefully your pain won’t last too long. I’m unable to promise that but I do believe it whole heartedly.

Hello, My Name Is...

Many of you may know me, Ali, from my blog Mutterings and Musings.  I write everything from stories and poetry to dating advice and current events.  If you're familiar with my blog at all, you've heard me mention my boyfriend, Tucker.  He's been mentioned and featured on my blog multiple times.

Anyways, we want to share our story with you and  try to help y'all understand what it's like to be in a relationship. I don't know where this is all gonna go.  We're going to try to write as often as we can, but we're both college freshman.  I think a lot of posts will be on various aspects of a serious relationship in college.  (There ya go, sneak preview)

So hopefully you all enjoy what we write.  We haven't decided if we're going to combine all our thoughts into one big post or just post separately.  Either way, I hope we can answer some of your questions.  :)